As embarrassing as it is to admit, I’ve come to the conclusion I’m one of those people who will never grow up. I say this because April 1st is a week away, and I find myself chuckling out loud just thinking about who I’m going to torment this year and how to go about it.
I was always a joker. I love to laugh. In fact, when I was little, a neighbour appropriately nicknamed me Giggles. I found humour in odd situations and often reacted at the most inopportune moments, like in church or at a funeral.
I pulled pranks. I remember turning the dial on the TV so it went black, when my dad left the room. I was bursting at the seams as I watched him try to fix it. There was the time I put vinegar in my sister’s milk, and God help me, as I write this, tears are rolling down my face as I recall her expression as she drank it, and the memory of my mom automatically looking at me and asking “What did you do?”
Although I grew more serious as I got older, of course (I’m not a loon), I feel like April Fool’s Day gives me free reign to do what comes naturally.
One of my favourite pranks was a few years ago. My boss had just purchased a new cream coloured Cadillac, her pride and joy. She arrived at work an hour before me, so when I went in, I stopped in the parking lot and strategically placed a sign beside her car that read “Gotcha! April Fools.”
I went inside and we greeted each other as usual.
I said “Boy, I’m surprised you’re so cheerful Barb. I was afraid to come in when I saw your car.”
Her eyes grew big. “What do you mean, my car?” she asked.
“The whole right rear side is banged in. What happened?” I asked concerned.
At that she screamed “Oh my God!” She threw off her reading glasses and literally ran out the back door in a panic. I just about died. She was greeted with the April Fool’s sign, and lucky for me returned to the store not angry, but relieved it had been a joke.
Another time, I got my husband good; whom you would think would be wise to me by now.
He’s a big boxing fan and Mike Tyson had just been sentenced to prison. He came home for lunch and I asked, very seriously, “Can you believe that about Mike Tyson?”
“What about him?” he asked.
“You didn’t hear? It’s been on the radio all morning. They found him hanging in his cell. He couldn’t handle it, he took his own life.”
I know at this point, you’re reading this and thinking I’m a sick, twisted puppy but really, I’m not.
“My husband dropped his fork and said, “Oh my God, I can’t believe it.” He began asking for details so I played along. He went into a rant about how society was to blame for much of Tyson’s problems how society let him down, and on and on. He was disgusted and I loved it! Eventually I let him off the hook, and I think it was at that exact moment, that he decided to turn the tables on me.
Revenge is never pretty, especially when it happens to you. Fast forward, to next April Fool’s Day…
I had driven to the mall and when I came out bags in tow, I couldn’t find the van. I checked row by row, it wasn’t there. I started to panic. Perhaps inadvertently, I parked in a non-parking spot and it had been towed. I went back into the mall and called home. The line was busy. I waited and called again, still busy. Finally I decided to call a neighbour, no answer. After several more tries I finally got through to a neighbour and explained the situation to him. I asked if he could run across and get my husband to come pick me up. I waited for what seemed like forever for a response, when finally he said two words, “Mike Tyson.”
My husband had driven to the mall, moved my vehicle to the back entrance, taken our phone off the hook and then made our neighbours accomplices in his dirty little scheme. I would like to say that was the worst of it but it wasn’t. He went one better years later.
We had great winter parties. My husband built a massive skating rink in our backyard with lights and a path to a fire pit. While the kids skated the parents would sit around the fire sipping hot toddys. When the party ended, my husband put out the fire and we went to bed. Minutes later the doorbell rang and we looked out the front to see a fire truck with lights flashing, and six firemen around our fire pit out back. They received a call about a fire. We were embarrassed and apologized for their trouble.
A few weeks later my mother-in-law was up for a visit and as we chatted I straightened papers on my husbands desk. I noticed an envelope turned face down, with the fire department’s logo on it. I read what turned out to be an invoice for $500.00, and a letter from the fire chief explaining that although the fire was out when they got to our house, we still had to pay for the resources it took them to respond to the call. I was livid!
“When were you going to tell me about this?” I asked my husband.
“I wasn’t, I knew you’d be upset.”
“Damn right I’m upset, we’re not paying this!” I snapped.
“Well,” he asked sheepishly, “What else can we do?”
My mother-in-law sat wide-eyed but didn’t say a word.
“What else can we do? You’re going to phone him. And if you don’t have the balls to, I will.”
“Well what would I say?” he smirked. “April Fools Day?”
Ooooh, he got me good. He had the whole freaking fire department in on it and now every time I see them they smile at me. They know I’m the idiot wife who got pranked by all of them.
Kudos to my husband, but let me say this, “He needs to be afraid.”
Revenge is sweet, and this April Fools Day, it will be mine.
Brianna Popsickle 