Going Postal!

All he asked was, “Could you deliver this sometime this morning?”

My husband had packaged up some novels to be mailed to a bookstore. I had about five errands to run before my ten o’clock appointment, but what the heck, I’m a team player.

“Sure, I’ll make a quick stop at the post office,” I replied, knowing it was never a quick stop there.

I ran a few errands and made my way to the Post Office. “Please let there be a parking spot,” I mumbled, as I rounded the corner checking my watch.

There was, but it was on the other side of the street. I circled the block like a mad woman but just as I returned a car was pulling in.

I circled the block again. This time there was a spot, but I was going to have to rely on my parallel parking skills, something I avoid whenever possible. I pulled up beside the car and started to reverse, carefully watching the front of the car behind me. I noticed a teenager wearing headphones sitting expressionless and half asleep, watching. He looked from me to the front of the car behind me, to the rear of my car, then back to me again.

Would you not think he’d give me a wave or something? You can back up a little more, or STOP, you’re about to smash into the car behind you?

But, no, he just sat there and watched, enjoying my dilemma.

Well, I showed him, punk kid. Not only did I get parked, I had inches to spare at either end!

My Husband Thinks I’m Trying to Kill Him

My husband thinks I’m trying to kill him and I assure you I’m not. We’ve been married twenty-four years; if I were going to kill him I would have done it by now.

So where does he get this crazy idea? Well in fairness to him, there have been a few ‘food’ incidents.

What I Did Right and Where I Screwed Up As a Mom…

As with any job you have good days and bad days, being a mom is no different. Here are some things I did right, and inevitably, where I screwed up…

Respect yourself and others. I taught my kids to treat people how they would want to be treated. They learned that not everyone lives by that rule, so I taught them forgiveness. If they were waiting for perfect friends they would be waiting a long time. No one is perfect, not even my little angels.

Listen. I chose a job that allowed me to be home in time to have an after school snack ready for the kids. We always ate dinner together and I tucked them in each night. It was during these times we had our best talks. Once they were older and everyone was on a different schedule, I would sometimes get up 2 or 3 a.m. when they got in from a night out, and we would sit and talk. My husband wondered why it couldn’t wait until the next day, but I told him, “If you wait, you’ll miss it.” You have to make yourself available to listen to your child when they feel like talking.

Love your kids and their friends. My kids knew their friends were always welcome in our home. We only had two children but we never knew how many of their teenage friends we would find sleeping on couches the morning after a night out. 

Someone Talk to Me!

A nasty cut on the bottom of my foot landed me in the after-hours clinic. My husband told me to take a book along since the wait time was usually a couple of hours.

Knowing there were always plenty of others waiting, I decided to forego the book. I’ve had some of the most interesting conversations with people I’ve met while waiting for appointments or meetings.

I was one of seven people waiting. I looked around deciding who to make eye contact with, perhaps flash a smile his or her way, strike up a conversation; only no one was looking up. Why? Because everyone except for me, and a little blue haired lady on the other side of the room, were either listening to an iPod or texting on their cell phone.

What’s wrong with this picture? Who are they texting? What are they saying? What’s wrong with me? Why wasn’t I texting someone? The fact that my cell phone was sitting in a drawer at home had something to do with it. I only purchased it to use on road trips in case of an emergency. Apparently though, I am not the norm. Everyone uses their cell phone, all the time.

Don’t Tell Anyone…

It happened when I was 8;  I was in third grade. I had my friend Rachel over for the weekend. We bundled up in layers of clothes and dragged our toboggans to the apartment hill, a few blocks from my home. It was a favourite spot for neighbourhood kids to toboggan.

Surprisingly, we had the hill to ourselves that sunny Saturday morning. We took turns speeding down the hill and made our way back up again, dragging our toboggans behind us a little slower each time.

Once, as I was nearing the top, I turned to speak to Rachel, but she wasn’t behind me. I looked to the bottom of the hill and saw her talking to a man. In the next instant I saw him take her hand and they walked towards the garage. I called her name, but she kept walking, I called again, but they disappeared into the garage.

I’d been taught well not to speak to strangers let alone go anywhere with them. I felt a wave of panic. My first instinct was to look for help but there was no one around and she was already in the garage. I ran, stumbling and rolling half way down the hill, wondering later why it never occurred to me to toboggan down. I pounded on the garage door yelling her name.

The door opened and I saw her standing calmly, eating a chocolate bar. I told her she shouldn’t be in there. She said it was OK, he knew her dad. As I reached to grab her hand I heard the garage door shut behind me. I turned to see his face smiling down at me. I swallowed hard and wanted to scream, but was unable to make a sound.

 

The Susan Boyle Lesson

Now the whole world knows who Susan Boyle is, a forty-seven year old woman who spent her life living with her mother and her cats (until her mother recently passed away). She sang karaoke at local pubs though her dream was to be a professional singer.  

When she walked on stage during the Britain’s Got Talent show, the audience laughed, the judges were cynical. Why? Because she looked like a forty-seven year old spinster. When she responded to a question saying she had never been married and never been kissed, the audience laughed some more. They didn’t expect much from this outcast.

 

No one was prepared for what came next. She shocked everyone with her spectacular rendition of  ‘I Dreamed a Dream’. The audience was stunned and moved to tears. She’s become an overnight sensation, her video on You Tube being viewed over eleven million times.

 

Susan Boyle is the reason you should never judge a book by its cover.

 

We’re being bombarded with beautiful people on television, in movies, magazines and music videos.  As a result we’re being programmed to judge people based on their looks, leaving us feeling less than perfect and worse, inadequate.

The Dating Game

I was on the phone having a pity party with a girlfriend. I had been laid up with a sore foot for over a week. The drastic change in my routine had finally gotten to me. I hadn’t been able to workout in days.

She was in the same frame of mind. The house her husband left her with when he walked out years ago was falling apart. She was having trouble keeping up. She needed a new man in her life.

I listened to her complain, and she sympathized with me.

“You should watch Oprah today, it’s going to be a good one,” she said, changing the subject.

“What’s it on?” I asked.

“Sex appeal.” she replied.

“Sounds depressing, how be you watch it and tell me all about it.”

Minutes later the phone rang.

Marley and Me and Casey

A neighbour dropped off a copy of the book Marley & Me, knowing I would enjoy it since I was a dog owner like her. I have to say it didn’t interest me much. I had heard it was terribly sad, about a guy and his dog and the dog died at the end. Since that pretty much summed it up, I didn’t feel the need to read it.

Day ten of sitting with my foot up from an injury, I finally gave in and reached for the book. A day later having finished it, I’m sitting at the computer red-eyed and sniffing, trying to put my feelings into words. Between typing and blowing my nose, I’m reaching down to stroke Casey who’s sound asleep at my feet.

‘Casey’ is my Marley. A thirteen-year-old Brittany Spaniel, whom I’ve always loved, but must admit, have a much deeper appreciation for since reading the book.

“That dog really was psycho!”

It’s Spring, and ‘Luke’ is in the Air…

My girlfriends and I were talking about the arrival of spring. They were saying their thoughts turn to sunshine and warm breezes, the sounds of birds chirping, the scent of spring flowers…

“And Luke.” I sighed.

They all perked up.

“Luke? Who’s Luke?”

“Damn, did I say that out loud?”

And so I was caught, and pretty much obligated to tell them the story of Luke…

Revenge is Sweet, Most of the Time…

As embarrassing as it is to admit, I’ve come to the conclusion I’m one of those people who will never grow up. I say this because April 1^st is a week away, and I find myself chuckling out loud just thinking about who I’m going to torment this year and how to go about it.

 I was always a joker.  I love to laugh. In fact, when I was little, a neighbour appropriately nicknamed me Giggles. I found humour in odd situations and often reacted at the most inopportune moments, like in church or at a funeral.

 

I pulled pranks. I remember turning the dial on the TV so it went black, when my dad left the room. I was bursting at the seams as I watched him try to fix it. There was the time I put vinegar in my sister’s milk, and God help me, as I write this, tears are rolling down my face as I recall her expression as she drank it, and the memory of my mom automatically looking at me and asking “What did you do?”

 

Although I grew more serious as I got older, of course (I’m not a loon), I feel like April Fool’s Day gives me free reign to do what comes naturally.